Hip.. Hip-hop... hip-hop anonymous???

I sense a change is in the air. The ability to comfortably wear shorts at night? A new Jack Johnson cd on repeat? Lake Powell trips? Hmmm.. sounds to me like SUMMER is finally here!

I won't bore you all the the semantics of our epic trip to Lake Powell, but here are some rapid-fire deets. 53 people, 1 houseboat. Mortars that may or may not have been set-off. Cops may or may not have been called ("whoever lit those off are jackasses!") Random hook-ups that allegedly happened. Drama involving a certain Mr. Adams and swooping (who woulda thought??!!) That pretty much describes what what on over the course of the weekend.

While at work the other day, Brandon and myself came up with a clothes acceptance system. Needless to say, people would be rated by body size and given a number that corresponds with what clothing they are allowed to wear. Call us shallow, but it just might work. Details coming next time.

Smile, like you've got nothing to prove

Summer school has officially started, which would be ok except for the fact that the weather decided that it is NOT summer yet! I'm going to St. George over Meorial Day weekend and I'm stoked for some actual shorts and golf weather. Not to mention going to the lake. Since most of the exciting things in my life involve people that I'd rather not give names to on this blog, here's a blog that tells stories similar to the ones I would tell: Mormon Bachelor Pad. You can thank me later.

devastated

Sooooooo the Jazz lost last night to our bitter rivals, the Lakers. Even though my boy D-Will completely posterized the insanity that is Ron Artest, we still lost because Boozah isn't "long" enough and couldn't get that last rebound. According to the woman announcer (during the Nuggets game), the Jazz aren't "long" enough, versatile enough, or even good enough to beat these Lakers. My response to that is that the woman announcer (who we'll call Cheryl for the purposes of this post) is a complete idiot. Now, I'm not sexist in the least, but I do believe there are a couple things women should not do on televsion. These include announcing Men's sporting events and speaking in General Conference. I mean, there's only so many times we can hear the same spiel... "You youth are just so wonderful! This rising generation has so much potential and I just love you all soooo much blah blah blah, Amen." As soon as Sister So-and-so stands up, that signals to me that its time to make some popcorn and hit the bathroom before Elder Holland gets up to spiritually punch us all in the face.


"I'm Julie B. Beck and I approve this message."

Big Fes

Who is my favorite Jazz player, you ask? D-Will? Booz-ah? NO! My favorite player on the Jazz is none other than Kyrylo Fesenko, the 7'1" 300 lbs. Ukranian. Big Fes, as I call him, has captured my heart during this years playoffs. Not only has he stepped in for my man Memo, but he has thrown down at least one back-breaking thunder DUNK every game and has now started to hit his free throws. It has become my mission in life to become friends with this gentle giant. From what I've been able to find out, the Fes Man lives at the Gateway and doesn't drive. This means that he takes the bus/Trax to get around. I have it on good authority that he frequents the Jimmy Johns on 4th South. Wouldn't being friends with Fes be freakin' tight?! I mean, think about it... clubbing with Fes, picking up chicks with Fes, even bowling with Fes. Any activity takes on a whole new meaning when you add in a giant Ukranian. If anyone has any tips on how we can become BFFFF's, let me know!


you can't contain this

The Double Down

The KFC Double Down was AMAZING! This marvel of fast food engineering contains no buns. Instead, 2 friend chicken filets are used with slices of bacon, cheese sauce, and real cheese placed in between. This meaty, cheesy, bacony concoction is a flavor blast to the taste buds and was well worth the $5.

Double Down, I salute you and give you TWO thumbs up.

Fat Kids Everywhere Rejoice!

Will I be back tomorrow with a review? You bet I will!

edit: the KFC I went to was SOLD OUT of Double Downs at the time... maybe tomorrow?

All-Stars

During my year at the BYU, Aaron and I came up with a saying to describe some of the guys we routinely saw at parties or in our wards that all seemed alike in their d-bagness. This phrase has caught on and now I hear it often when I happen to be in Provo. While they come in different variations, here are the qualifications of a "Provo All-Star."

1. Is from "The OC", northern Utah, or the East Coast.
2. Is 25 years old or older and STILL hasn't graduated.
3. Tends to be "taking the semester off"... right.
4. Lives at Belmont, Alpine Village, or Arlington.
5. Wouldn't be caught dead without his designer jeans (usually True Religion or Rock & Republic)
6. tight V-neck.... check.
7. is seen with the other All-Stars everywhere he goes (dance parties, Spoon Me, ward activities)
8. Generally dates freshman
9. Drives his daddy's BMW/Range Rover
10. lives and dies by doing summer sales

If someone you know has 2 or more of the characteristics, odds are that they also have the rest. It's uncanny.

For those of you from St. George, here is a list detailing the "St. George All-Stars"

1. are RM's and STILL going to Dixie
2. either don't have a job or work at Fabulous Freddys'
3. wouldn't be caught dead without their Affliction and Filter shirts (did they bedazzle their own shirts??)
4. hang out with high school girls
5. since they don't work, they go to the gym twice a day
6. constantly tan (from the tanning beds)
7. live at home
8. love their M.E.K. or Rock Revival jeans
9. talk CONSTANTLY about moving "up north" but will never do it
10. are generally worthless bums